Shall We?

We are in our second week of “week on, week off” with the kiddos. It SUCKS.

It’s come to my attention that I have never functioned as an adult without children. They are my purpose. Without them…I’m so aimless. I have been trying to focus on other things this week instead of them. It doesn’t do me very much good.

A job. Every day out and about looking, applying, scouring the internet for job leads. Why? Because I love my kids and I want to have a good life for them. I know a job provides that for them. They are the reason for it.

Organizing my messy house. Every day, finding something new to organize, clean and create a pretty space. Why? Because I want my house to be a happy clean place for my kiddos.

Blog, internet, twitter, tumblr…lame! Why? Because I write, tweet and am inspired by my kids.

My LIFE!

If it weren’t for Chris (now dubbed my superhero boyfriend) I would not be functioning very well.

He’s so encouraging and on my side. He’s calm. He’s in charge and he motivates me to keep pushing myself to find the good things, even when I’m disheartened. I don’t know how I happened upon such a good man, but I am so lucky I did!

However, at the end of January…I refuse to tell my ex ‘Okay, we’ll do this week on, week off.’. I absolutely refuse. I won’t say that. He will HAVE to take me to court. I dislike saying anything of that nature. I do. We have always been amiable and pleasant regarding custody of our children. But I can’t live this way.

I keep thinking…”if I had a job…” maybe I would feel differently. I would be occupied with work. But honestly? I don’t think that would make a difference because that’s part of my life. Working AND my children. It’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m their mother. It’s how it’s supposed to be.

-Wayword